Bullying, Propaganda, and Peace: How Do They Connect?

We usually talk about bullying as something that happens between individuals, particularly among children at school. But what happens when we look at the same patterns on a much larger scale?

In this episode of the Bully Proof Your Child podcast, we explore that question through Chapter 8 of Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle’s Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? A Guide to Handling Bullies. The chapter moves beyond the schoolyard to look at how our desire for power and control can contribute to division between much larger groups of people.

The connection might seem like a big leap at first. A conflict between two students is obviously very different from a conflict between nations, yet some of the forces underneath them can be surprisingly familiar. Fear can influence how we see another person, while repeated messages about who is right, wrong, dangerous, or different can make cooperation increasingly difficult.

The chapter also takes a closer look at bullying and propaganda, asking young people to think about the messages they encounter and how those messages can influence the way they see other people. From there, the conversation turns toward something much more practical: if we can become more aware of aggression in our everyday lives, can we also learn to respond differently?

Later in the episode, we continue into Chapter 9 with activities that encourage students to examine aggression, think about how they respond when they feel challenged, and consider what it actually means to become a peacemaker.

Podcast Transcript

How Bullying Affects World Peace

Today, I’m going to be reading Chapter 8 from our book, Why Is Everybody Always Picking on Me? A Guide to Handling Bullies by Dr. Terrence Webster-Doyle. As always, if you would like, you can download this book here.

Chapter 8 is called How Bullying Affects World Peace. I’m going to start by reading a story called The Difference Between Heaven and Hell.

Story: The Difference Between Heaven and Hell

A young, armed, arrogant warrior came to see the old, wise man.

“Oh, wise man, tell me the secret of life. What is the difference between heaven and hell?”

The wise man thought for a moment and said, “You are a stupid young fool. How can an idiot like you even begin to understand this? You are far too ignorant.”

On hearing these words, the young warrior became enraged. “I could kill you for what you said.” He started to draw his sword to kill the wise man when the wise man said, “That is hell.”

On hearing these words, the warrior put back his sword.

“That,” spoke the wise man, “is heaven.”

Bullying on a Global Scale

Have you ever read about people like Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Attila the Hun, or other world political and military leaders? These people were horrible bullies. They violently gained power over others because they wanted people to believe in and live the way of life they thought best.

They tortured and killed millions of people for their ideals. These people are extreme cases, but there were millions of others who contributed to their terrible aggressions. All the officers, soldiers, and politicians who supported and served these leaders were also bullies.

Our world has been run by bullies for thousands of years. We have enjoyed very little peace on Earth, or time when humans have been able to cooperate non-violently. The issue of peace has been of great concern to all sensitive human beings since the beginning of mankind.

How Propaganda Influences Behavior

The kind of bullying that happens on the school playground is essentially the same bullying that causes international wars. Both use physical force or hostile aggression to “win.” Behind this physical aggression is a mental aggression.

This is verbal bullying, and it’s called propaganda. People use propaganda to win people over to their way of thinking, usually by telling lies or exaggerating. Propaganda has been used for centuries to brainwash or condition people into believing all sorts of things.

How Media and Advertising Shape Your Thinking

When you watch TV or go on social media, the propaganda you see most often is in commercials—advertising meant to bully you into buying products. By using lighting, pictures, sounds, music, and images, advertisers persuade you to buy the products you see on the screen.

Did you know that the average young person watches between 30,000 to 40,000 commercials a year? That’s a lot of propaganda.

And as a side note, it’s probably much higher than that now with social media.

Propaganda is also used to create wars. Countries use the media—TV, radio, newspapers, political cartoons, videos, film, magazines, comics, and even social media—to bully you into believing that their way is the right way.

Every nation uses propaganda to get you to believe that the other side is bad and evil, the enemy. For decades, until the historic improvement in relations between the two countries, Americans have been taught to see Russians as brutal and warlike. Russians have been taught to see Americans as money-grubbing, cunning, and untrustworthy.

How do you suppose this image was created? Why do countries do this? To get you to fight? To defend your nation? To defend your way of life?

Like a bully on the playground, propaganda pushes you to act. Nationalists, who are people devoted only to the interests of their nation, can brainwash you into believing that, in order to live, you must take sides and align yourself with their particular belief system.

This becomes the basis of destructive competition and creates war, great pain, and sorrow in the world.

Looking for practical advice to help your child deal with bullying? Enroll in our online course and get weekly lessons packed with actionable tips to handle the situation with confidence.

How Division Leads to Conflict and War

If we divide ourselves from other people, then we are creating the conditions for conflict and war. Therefore, we must understand why and how we become divided, why there are separate groups, political parties, religions, and nations.

This doesn’t mean that we all have to look alike or speak the same language. Differences can be beautiful and give the world variety, but belief systems and propaganda produce differences that lead to division, conflict, and destruction.

People who use propaganda are bullies.

We’re almost coming to the end of the book, and there are two final sections.

One is called Activities, and this includes exercises that can help you develop non-violent alternatives and improve your understanding of the bully and victim relationship. The last section is called Questions That Help You Stop and Think, and it provides a list of questions for you to ponder.

You may want to look them over alone or discuss them with others at school or at home.

Understanding Bullying at Every Level

However you decide to use these activities and questions, we hope that you will continue your search for ways to create a world in which cooperation is the number one priority. Bullying, as you can see now, has worldwide implications.

If we can understand how and why we bully each other at home or at school, we can begin to understand how and why nations also bully, which leads to conflict and war.

As I see it, it is one and the same. What do you see?

Before we get into those exercises and questions, I want to read a story. It’s called Karate at Work.

Karate at Work: A Real-Life Example of Confidence

Jeff was in his woodshop class at school, working on his project. In came Chris, the school bully.

“Hey hotshot, I hear you’ve been taking karate. What for? Are you Bruce Lee or something? Come on, kung fu fool, show me your stuff. I want to see your karate.”

Jeff kept on quietly and carefully sanding his project. He looked up slowly, then straight into the eyes of Chris, and said with a friendly and confident smile, as he kept on sanding, “I’m doing it now.”

That was the end of Chapter 8, but I’m actually going to keep reading into Chapter 9 because this goes into the activities that I mentioned earlier.

Understanding Aggression and Its Effects

So this activity is to help you understand aggression. You may have heard your parents, teachers, or counselors use the word “aggressive.” I have used it in this book.

Do you know exactly what it means? It actually has two meanings. The first meaning is energetic or full of energy. As an example, Mark is an aggressive promoter of healthy lunches for kids.This kind of aggressive behavior is generally not harmful.

The second meaning is a harmful action against another, usually a verbal or physical attack. An example here is, “Beth can get pretty aggressive if you don’t give her what she wants.”

Sometimes it’s fun to fool around, perhaps wrestling, pretending to box, or doing karate kicks. But there are times when fun turns to anger and people get hurt. Some adults think that fighting is natural. They say, “Boys will be boys,” or “Sometimes aggression is perfectly natural.” Both boys and girls fight, but is it natural to fight?

We’re going to go over some activities that are designed to help you learn about aggression so that no one gets hurt. You can do them with your friends or at school with the assistance of your teachers. These activities are not only fun, but they also help you learn about yourself.

If you would find it easier to download these activities, you can download the book here.

Activity: Shoving

The first activity is called Shoving.

Select a partner and face one another about two feet apart. Raise your hands to shoulder level. Reach out and place your palms on your partner’s palms.

Keeping your hands at shoulder level, push against each other’s hands. Push as hard as you can. See if you can push your partner back. Take care not to slap each other’s hands or hurt one another in any way.

Pushing becomes more of a game or a challenge than a fight.

Activity: Inner Scream

The second activity is called Inner Scream.

Find a comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and imagine that you’re going to some quiet, faraway place by yourself. Think of someone who bothers you, perhaps someone who bullies you. Imagine that there is no one for miles around.

Continue to think of the person who irritates you. Let them bother you even more. More. More.

Now, silently scream. Open your mouth and scream silently, as loud as you can. Be aware that you are alone. No one can hear you.

Now think of the person who bothers you again. See yourself doing something that would stop them from bothering you. Be aware of how you can, in your mind, stop that person from bullying you.

Open your eyes and discuss what you felt.

Activity: Getting It Off Your Chest

Activity three is called Getting It Off Your Chest.

Sit in a circle. Each person gets to tell someone something that is bothering them. For example, “Mike, you really bother me when you make fun of my wearing glasses. I feel like punching you when you do that.” Or, “Janice, I feel angry when you try to be the teacher’s pet and tell on others. I feel like getting you into trouble so that you would get suspended from school.”

The rule is to let the person get it off his or her chest. Don’t defend yourself. When someone addresses you directly, just listen to what they have to say about you. You, too, will have your turn to say what bugs you.

Now, each person should think about what others have said to them. Some things you can change. Others you may not feel you need to change. What are you willing to change? Share that with the person who addressed you.

For example, “John, I was just kidding about your glasses. I didn’t know that my joking bothered you so much. Sorry, I won’t do it again.”

This activity allows you and your friends or classmates to get the things that bug you off your chest without harming anyone.

Activity: The Laughing Bully

Activity number four is called The Laughing Bully.

Can humor be aggressive? Can a person bully another by saying something funny about that person? Have you ever used humor to hurt someone? Have you felt hurt when someone made fun of you? Can people be cruel when being funny?

When you make a joke about someone, what are you doing? Can people hide their anger in humor? How else might you express your anger rather than through joking?

Be aware of when you use humor throughout the day or week to express feelings you have about another. Watch for times when you use it to hide anger. Also, be aware of how others use it to hide their anger.

Discuss these questions with your friends or classmates. What did you find out about humor?

The Pressure to “Save Face”

Now that we have gone through all of this, take some time to think about a new role you have to play.

Have you ever thought that you can’t back down, or that “I’ve got to save face”? Has that ever run through your mind? If you are a bully, or if you are a victim, you may feel you have a reputation to uphold and, in the eyes of the world—your friends, teachers, and parents—you can’t back down. If you are being seen as a chicken or a coward, as a victim, you fear the same thing.

What if I told you that there is a way you can back down and feel good about it? Well, it’s true, because there is.

If your image of yourself is that of Rambo, a tough guy who nobody would dare mess with, then you cannot back down. If your image of yourself is “poor me,” and you feel you have to save face or the other kids will think you’re a coward, then you can’t back down.

Becoming a Peacemaker

If, however, your image of yourself is that of a peacemaker, then your action to back down is right in line with that self-image. A peacemaker does not fight. A peacemaker makes peace.

A famous karate teacher once said, “To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.”

Is it in your self-image to be a peacemaker? Do you think you could get recognition and praise for being a peacemaker? A peacemaker is not a wimp. When you decide to be a peacemaker, you show yourself and others that you have the power and self-control to solve conflict non-violently, without fighting. This takes far greater strength than fighting.

To me, this is the highest art. So, what characteristics and skills does a person need to have to be a peacemaker?

To be a peacemaker, you must understand what creates conflict, develop skills to resolve conflict non-violently, and visualize yourself as a peacemaker. I’ve talked about what causes conflict and what creates a bully and what creates a victim, and I have offered role-playing skills so you can begin practicing resolving conflict peacefully.

Visualization: Seeing Yourself as a Peacemaker

Now, all you have to do is take the third step: see yourself as a peacemaker. This is called visualization, which means to create a picture in your brain of what you want to happen or what you want to be.

Let’s try it. Find a quiet, honest place where you can sit comfortably. Lying down can make you sleepy, so sit in a comfortable but firm chair. Close your eyes. You can do this alone, with me guiding you, or a trusted friend can assist you.

See yourself in a deep jungle. The time is 2 million BC. You are in very primitive times. Suddenly, two animal-like, monster cavemen come crashing out of the jungle and confront each other.

They grunt, beat their chests, and make threatening-looking gestures. You notice the monster cavemen are small. Either they are small, or you are quite big.

They look like little kids, and you look like a large grown-up. You see that they cannot hurt you. You speak to the cavemen.

“Listen,” you say. “Are there ways you can solve your conflict without fighting?”

You sit down between them and start talking to them as if they are children you have great affection for. “You are the first humans,” you tell them. “So why are you acting like wild beasts? You are greater than wild beasts. You can think and reason. Let’s put our heads together and think up some intelligent, peaceful ways to solve your problem.”

“If you learn how to stop fighting now, maybe this will have an effect on the whole history of mankind.”

This is just one fun, imaginary example of seeing yourself as a peacemaker. You and your friends, parents, and teachers can make up your own scenes.

It really doesn’t matter what they are, as long as you actually see yourself becoming a peacemaker. Other possible scenes could include a football game in front of an applauding audience, a boxing match in front of a rowdy audience, or an ancient Greek coliseum where gladiators are about to fight each other.

Practicing Peacemaking in Real Life

Now see yourself on a school playground.

Two make-believe kids are about to fight, and you are a famous athlete, movie star, or rock star whom these kids really admire. Get a good, clear image of yourself as this favorite positive hero. Who do you choose to be?

As they’re about to start fighting, they see you coming. Their mouths drop open. Their fists drop as they look in awe at you approaching. The group of kids around these two also see you coming.

“Wow, look who’s here. I can’t believe my eyes. It’s fill in the name of yourself as a peaceful hero.“

When you’re among them, you say, “Look, there must be a way to get along. Why not try to work your problem out peacefully? Instead of wanting to hurt each other, use that energy to think of ways you can cooperate. Come on, let’s work this out together.”

Everyone cheers as you pat the two kids on the back. Then everyone, including the two would-be fighters, asks for your autograph.

This is a simple, pretend situation. It gives you a chance to see yourself as a peacemaker in your fantasy.

Now here’s one a little closer to home. See yourself on your playground. Remember an incident, or make one up, between two real people that almost led to a fight. See yourself as a real peacemaker, helping to work things out nonviolently. See your teachers, parents, even the two fighters, thanking you for what you did.

Do this slowly, watching and doing as much as you can in detail. Take your time. You may want to practice this over and over. Then you may want to set up some pretend situations with a friend or two in which you can play the peacemaker role.

I’m sure that you can do it. If you really want to, you can succeed.

The Physical and Mental Effects of Stress

Okay, let’s talk about some ways you can relieve the effects of bullying on the body, because it takes a lot of energy to control other people. As you grow up, this need to control can cause great damage to your well-being. You’re affected physically and mentally by the stress of dominating others.

When you’re young, your mind and body have the flexibility of youth. You’re generally healthy and can recover from illness more quickly than an older person. So perhaps you don’t yet see the effects of constant stress on you, but certain physical disturbances begin to appear, such as nervousness, illness, exhaustion, and anxiety.

Stress will eventually wear down your mind and body, and serious illness can occur. The mental and physical effects of being aggressive, pushy, and controlling can hurt or even kill you.

Remember, there may be very serious consequences to bullying, but you can do something to help yourself or someone you know. Please get help. We all need it sometimes.

Healthy Ways to Reduce Stress

If you want to relieve stress, there are many ways, and we have presented some in this podcast and book that can reduce and even end bullying, but only if a person really wants to. There are also some activities you can do to help relieve the stress of bullying or being bullied.

You can take a long walk or run, play with a pet, go swimming or dancing, practice martial arts with a proper teacher, do gymnastics or lift weights, sing or play a musical instrument, write down your feelings, and talk to a friend. These are all really great ways to reduce stress, and I encourage you to think of some other ways.

Why Manners Matter

And finally, I just want to touch on some manners.

Manners is an old-fashioned word that means acting politely. In the school where I teach, manners are a very important part of what we do. When you learn the form of karate that I teach, I’m going to show you how to act in accepted ways.

Rather than thinking of manners as something we do for a reward or to avoid being punished, we look upon them as a pleasant way to get what we need. Without manners, there would be disorder. Thinking of manners as skills to learn can be fun, a lot more fun than thinking of them as something you have to do.

They help you get along with others and to get what you want without offending anyone.

Using Language to Build Better Relationships

Here are some examples.

Some unhelpful ways of getting what you want are saying things like, “Give me that,” “Shut up,” or “You’re wrong.” But some helpful ways are saying, “May I please have that?” “Would you please keep your voice down?” “I don’t see it that way.”

I encourage you to list out some other unhelpful and helpful ways to express yourself. You can even make a game out of it. One person can say something in an unhelpful way, and another person responds by saying the same thing using manners.

Manners are simple and very effective. They’re taught to you because someone cares enough to want you to speak and act in ways that will help you get along in the world. Try the helpful ways and see if you do, in fact, get along better in your relationships. You might be surprised.

Respect and Everyday Actions

In karate, we bow out of respect for the teacher and for each other, student to student. Bowing is a form of manners in the martial arts.

One day, I asked my young students to try something at home that night. I asked them to bow every time their parents asked them to do something, and then to do what they asked.

At the next class, students shared what happened. One student said, “My mother asked me to clear the table of dishes, so I bowed and said yes and did it without any complaint. My mother almost fell over. She was so surprised.”

That’s the end of Chapter 9. I’m going to leave it there for today, but if you would like to download this and all the other chapters, you can download our book from the link in our show notes.